So this is where you’ve ended up now. On some Internet blog, hoping to read about 489 “life hacks” that promise to make you more confident. Do you feel good about yourself? Probably not. And you know what? I don’t see it as my job to change that.
In a sense, confidence is overrated. Sure, to other people, it matters a lot how confident you are. But if you truly don’t give a fuck about what other people think, you also don’t give a fuck about how confident you appear. And beneath the appearance, confidence is just a feeling, a feeling of trust in yourself and your abilities, a feeling of security. Why do you need to feel secure? Fuck feelings!
Rather than trying to become more confident by reading bullshit “life hacks,” why don’t you focus on being courageous instead and do things you don’t feel confident doing? If you’re already confident doing something, you’re not facing a hard enough challenge, you’re not learning, not growing much. Challenge yourself!
Displaying courage will make you more confident and so will skill development. But if you focus on being confident all the time, you won’t be courageous nor develop skills. Because doing something you’re afraid to do or doing something you’re bad at doesn’t make you feel confident. On the contrary, it makes you feel weak. To grow stronger, you have to accept that feeling and humble yourself.
So stop thinking about how to be more confident! Instead, think about the skills you want to develop and the fears you want to annihilate. Think about your True Will. Think about taking action. Draw up a simple, actionable, step-by-step plan. Then execute the plan, take action, do your True Will. And stop worrying about how you feel along the way. Stop worrying about being confident.
This is the way to greater confidence. Not putting on nice clothes to adorn your ego. Not obsessing about “alpha male body language” to hide your insecurities behind a veil of dominance. Not standing in front of a mirror to tell yourself you how awesome you are. Not closing up to appear cool while being too afraid to be vulnerable. No.
Just like happiness is merely a by-product of living a good life, so is confidence merely a by-product of developing good skills. You won’t become happy by worrying about being happy and you won’t become confident by worrying about being confident. Happiness and confidence are just natural by-products of doing your True Will. They will come in time. You can’t force it. And just like you often have to face unhappiness to become more happy, you also have to face unconfidence to become more confident. Don’t believe the lies of your ego.