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The Surprising Truth about Emotional Detachment

August 8, 2017 Dominic Reichl

No truth to be found here; move on, poor clickbait victim. You haven’t invested more than a click yet, so leave, leave before you are even more emotionally triggered. Stay detached. That’s what being in mindcoolness is all about anyway: The strength to feel and think and act as your mission demands. Not giving in to distractive whims of emotion. Not giving in to pathological habits.

First, emotional detachment is a labile power. With enough practice, it becomes an ability, a reliable superpower, and finally, a solid habit. But once you detach out of habit, you will find that doing the opposite creates discomfort. Attachment will feel uncomfortable. Unless you actively choose discomfort, your detachment will become an inability—to open up, to attach, to be vulnerable, to feel anything. Your fate: emotionless apathy, lifeless indifference. A mind so cool that it’s frozen. A stony, stoic heart.

Are you in control of your inner thermostat, willfully keeping your mind in the cooler regions? Or have you broken off the knob and gotten accustomed to the cold? Full detachment with an icy ego shield to ward off warmth? If this is you, here’s what you can do: Have more diverse goals!

Let me explain: As men, we regulate our emotions not to feel better, but to achieve goals. And we detach emotionally not to prevent suffering, but to make better decisions. Now, if all our goals and decisions require us to be perfectly rational and emotionally detached, we end up in a chronic state of detachment. We end up with a mind that is cool not by will, but by default, which is a form of passivity. Thus, the more diverse our goals in life, the more degrees of useful emotional de- and attachment we will experience, compelling us to develop more flexible emotion regulation skills—to be in mindcoolness by decree of our will: because we have so chosen.

emotional detachment

Further Reading

  • How to Self-Generate Emotions in 5 Steps
  • How Resilient People Regulate Their Emotions
  • Is Suppressing Emotions Bad For You? (Jocko Willink Vs. Science)

Blog emotions, mindcoolness, mindfulness, personal-development

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